I Used to Kinda Suck (but then I got better)
I am in the process of applying to jobs and post-doctoral fellowships. For those of you who do not know, a post-doctoral fellowship is a one-year advanced training experience that pays you like a migrant farm worker. A job is something you do for 45 years instead of sitting around all day watching television and going to places you like, so that someday when you are in your 60s you can afford to stop working and can sit around all day watching television and going to places you like.
Anyhow, in the course of this application process, I have had the opportunity to reflect upon where I've come from professionally and where I am now (as well as where I am heading with regard to my skills). In reflecting, I am glad to say that I have improved much since even just this time last year! How, you might ask? (or you might not give a shit....whatever)
Well, I am noticing changes in both myself and my clients, compared to last year. Whereas last year I felt like I was (and needed to be) a really great therapist, I now view myself as more intermediate and have lower standards. This is a good thing because my standards were waaaayyyy too high before! I have now accepted what I don't know, and this has opened me up to a lot of professional growth. I am now able to be with, rather than "do" with, my clients, and I seek knowledge and guidance in supervision in a way that allows me to collaborate and use the feedback I get. This is not to say that I am a bad therapist; rather, I simply don't need to be an expert yet (it is too early in my professional work and growth for that anyhow), which has freed me up to improve so much more.
Also, clients this year are having different experiences with me than the ones I saw last year. While I believe I helped people last year, this year it is deeper, more profound, more connected, just plain more of what therapy should be. I have only had three people drop out of treatment with me this year (it was higher last year...way higher); one I think was done anyhow, one didn't want to come in the first place, and the other might have felt too exposed (not my fault, though...he's the one who brought me a note with his deep, dark feelings and vulnerabilities in the seventh session).
In short, I am very glad to say that I have gotten way better as a therapist, and am on the road to continuing to grow professionally because I have been mobilized by accepting a freedom from excelling before my time. I am ready for a job if one comes along!
...or else I'll be the best damn supermarket employee ever!
Anyhow, in the course of this application process, I have had the opportunity to reflect upon where I've come from professionally and where I am now (as well as where I am heading with regard to my skills). In reflecting, I am glad to say that I have improved much since even just this time last year! How, you might ask? (or you might not give a shit....whatever)
Well, I am noticing changes in both myself and my clients, compared to last year. Whereas last year I felt like I was (and needed to be) a really great therapist, I now view myself as more intermediate and have lower standards. This is a good thing because my standards were waaaayyyy too high before! I have now accepted what I don't know, and this has opened me up to a lot of professional growth. I am now able to be with, rather than "do" with, my clients, and I seek knowledge and guidance in supervision in a way that allows me to collaborate and use the feedback I get. This is not to say that I am a bad therapist; rather, I simply don't need to be an expert yet (it is too early in my professional work and growth for that anyhow), which has freed me up to improve so much more.
Also, clients this year are having different experiences with me than the ones I saw last year. While I believe I helped people last year, this year it is deeper, more profound, more connected, just plain more of what therapy should be. I have only had three people drop out of treatment with me this year (it was higher last year...way higher); one I think was done anyhow, one didn't want to come in the first place, and the other might have felt too exposed (not my fault, though...he's the one who brought me a note with his deep, dark feelings and vulnerabilities in the seventh session).
In short, I am very glad to say that I have gotten way better as a therapist, and am on the road to continuing to grow professionally because I have been mobilized by accepting a freedom from excelling before my time. I am ready for a job if one comes along!
...or else I'll be the best damn supermarket employee ever!
posted by CMA @ 9:40 PM
1 Comments:
At 12:23 PM,
Anonymous said…
Thats a relief to feel that way. I like the way you think. I think if I thought like that my thoughts would be a lot more productive. Its kinda cool to think that even though you're a therapist and helping people work through things in their minds, you're growing as a person, too, and opening your life up to new experiences. I like the notion that we're all works in progress. Kind of comforting. And definitely very liberating!
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