Coming Up Next....

Sunday night is Simpsons night, usually. Just me, Homer, and some Taco Bell. Tonight, however, this marvel of television comedy (truly one of the best television programs ever produced) was pre-empted by "The Kids' Choice Awards." Turns out that it is hosted by one of my favorite comedians ever, Dane Cook, who unfortunately hasn't been funny all night....could be that his co-host, Jessica Simpson, has the timing of a retarded brick. Besides, he really isn't a "Kids' Choice" kind of guy.

But why then, you might wonder, have I been watching this craptastic programme (yeah, I used the British spelling...I am awesome)? Simple: they have been hyping the first ever performance, and a live one in front of millions of viewers on national television at that, by Kevin Federline. Yes, the biggest-douche-ever-to-accidentally-find-fame-just-by-being-a-huge-douche Kevin Federline (or as he prefers, b/c his is such a douche, "K-Fed"). Now, just why would his performance debut keep me tuned in? Simple:

I want to see him do horribly. Like so horribly that they talk about it on television the next day and late-night talk shows lampoon it for weeks to come. Like so horribly that if I miss it, I will be so ticked off.

However, if he doesn't royally suck, I will feel like I wasted so much time....so who'd be the douche then?