Keeping the Mundane Fresh

I was at Meijer's the other day, and I saw a shiny-looking shopping cart, quite different and more stylish than the others. I began to think about what it would be like to soup-up and trick-out a shopping cart. However, I quickly realized how absurd that would be.

But what about a tractor?

Think of it. What if you got a John Deere riding mower, and tricked it out? In this vein, I offer you, my friends and family as well as the Internet community-at-large, my tips for tricking-out a tractor:

1) Put in colored Xenon headlamps (maybe a light shade of blue or orange)
2) Paint or put on some vinyl designs on the side, like maybe flames or a cool Puerto Rican flag
3) Install a stereo system onto the tractor, the kind with the pounding bass that makes the whole thing shake. This stereo system should have its own remote control
4) Buy a small windshield, and have it tinted a dark green
5) Weld a large, multi-tiered spoiler behind the seat (or onto the rear mower bag, if you have one)
6) Four words: Heated purple leather seat
7) Get some chrome spinning hubcaps (make sure they are glaringly shiny)
8) Put some pulsating neon lights underneath the mower (green or orange would be best)
9) Make sure you have hydraulic lifts on your wheels, the kind that make the mower bounce up and down (this will allow more people to notice your pulsating neon lights, too)
10) Install some Nitrous Oxide for when you need a speed burst to get your tractor over 150mph. Make sure to have a good handbrake installed as well, so that you can pull it as you cut the wheel and drift sideways to get around corners

You should now have the most x-treme tractor on your block. You are welcome!