It's Only Stealing If You Leave the Store.....
I think I have found a way to signifianctly cut my monthly budget and save a few hundred dollars each month.
In a word: Meijer's.
For those of you who do not know of this wondrous Mecca, I will enlighten you. Meijer's is a HUGE store with 40+ check-out lanes which sells pretty much everything. Imagine a Super Stop & Shop (or Super Price Chopper or Shaw's, if you prefer), merged with a Rite Aid, a Target, a furniture store, and a Payless shoe store. Add in a hair salon, and a few other services, and you get something close to Meijer's. This place is so big that, from one end of the store, you actually cannot even see the other end. I once tried to walk from the grocery area to the shoes and, after walking for about a minute, it did not look like I was getting any closer to where I wanted to be! And not only is this place huge, but it is open 24-hours a day, 7 days a week. So, if I ever wake up at 3am on a Wednesday morning in a cold sweat, paniced as I suddenly realize "Oh no! I need sneakers, a picture frame, tires for my car, and frozen waffles," I am all set.
Also, there are more Meijer's out here than there are Dunkin' Donuts. Seriously.
Now, my grand money-saving scheme is based on the premise that it is not actually stealing if you don't take the merchandise out of the store.
Here's the plan: Since Meijer's is open 24-7, I figure I can just go in there, pull some mattresses over to a relatively open area of the store, and prop them up in a large rectangle around myself. Then, I could drag a couch, dresser, table, and chairs over from the furniture department to put inside of them. Add some posters from the media section and some picture frames from Home Decor, and I have the beginnings of the most awesome fort ever.
Now, of course, I cannot just sit inside of my fort forever. I would get bored and hungry eventually! So, I'd strap on a pair of rollerblades from the Sporting Goods section and skate my way over to the other end of the store to buy some groceries. On my way back, I could pick up some magazines and books to read before bed. Also, I could get some shirts, pants, socks, and underwear from the Men's department so that I wouldn't have to be constantly wearing the same, dirty clothes.
Still, I'd have to go to work sometime, and when I did, the jerks at Meijer's would probably try to put all my stuff back and destroy my new home. Therefore, I would have to put in a security system from the Electronics department to ensure that nothing happens to my stuff while I am gone. Also, I could get some animals from the Pet department and train them to guard my area. Ever wonder what 40 watch-hampsters would do to someone? Screw with my mattress fort and find out, Part-time Customer Service Associate!
I wonder why no one has ever thought of this before.....
In a word: Meijer's.
For those of you who do not know of this wondrous Mecca, I will enlighten you. Meijer's is a HUGE store with 40+ check-out lanes which sells pretty much everything. Imagine a Super Stop & Shop (or Super Price Chopper or Shaw's, if you prefer), merged with a Rite Aid, a Target, a furniture store, and a Payless shoe store. Add in a hair salon, and a few other services, and you get something close to Meijer's. This place is so big that, from one end of the store, you actually cannot even see the other end. I once tried to walk from the grocery area to the shoes and, after walking for about a minute, it did not look like I was getting any closer to where I wanted to be! And not only is this place huge, but it is open 24-hours a day, 7 days a week. So, if I ever wake up at 3am on a Wednesday morning in a cold sweat, paniced as I suddenly realize "Oh no! I need sneakers, a picture frame, tires for my car, and frozen waffles," I am all set.
Also, there are more Meijer's out here than there are Dunkin' Donuts. Seriously.
Now, my grand money-saving scheme is based on the premise that it is not actually stealing if you don't take the merchandise out of the store.
Here's the plan: Since Meijer's is open 24-7, I figure I can just go in there, pull some mattresses over to a relatively open area of the store, and prop them up in a large rectangle around myself. Then, I could drag a couch, dresser, table, and chairs over from the furniture department to put inside of them. Add some posters from the media section and some picture frames from Home Decor, and I have the beginnings of the most awesome fort ever.
Now, of course, I cannot just sit inside of my fort forever. I would get bored and hungry eventually! So, I'd strap on a pair of rollerblades from the Sporting Goods section and skate my way over to the other end of the store to buy some groceries. On my way back, I could pick up some magazines and books to read before bed. Also, I could get some shirts, pants, socks, and underwear from the Men's department so that I wouldn't have to be constantly wearing the same, dirty clothes.
Still, I'd have to go to work sometime, and when I did, the jerks at Meijer's would probably try to put all my stuff back and destroy my new home. Therefore, I would have to put in a security system from the Electronics department to ensure that nothing happens to my stuff while I am gone. Also, I could get some animals from the Pet department and train them to guard my area. Ever wonder what 40 watch-hampsters would do to someone? Screw with my mattress fort and find out, Part-time Customer Service Associate!
I wonder why no one has ever thought of this before.....
posted by CMA @ 8:47 PM
1 Comments:
At 9:55 PM,
Anonymous said…
Yeah Corey, many a six year old is expremely jealous. You are living the dream, man! I wonder where you got that fort scheme? :)
You'll need to send a change of address card to us (which I am certain Meijer's carry) so that we can find you when we choose to visit. And a map of the store with the area of you fort highlighted. Enjoy your mattress mecca!!!!!
Alice
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