Cheap-Assed Variety Buffeting
I have wanted to write about this for a week or so, but haven't found the time until now....I went to the Ponderosa with my girlfriend (yeah, I have a girlfriend now...thanks for keeping up on my life with phone calls and e-mails....jerks.... :-p). Now, I know I have said this before, but I loves me some cheap-assed variety buffets! And, apparently, it is not just me who loves cheap-assed variety buffets, but rather lots of people. There are, however, a few ways that I may not quite fit in at the Ponderosa cheap-assed variety buffet establishment:
1) I am thin. I have been thin all my life (well, except for when I was a toddler and had three chins....I think I maintained that weight as I got older, but just grew taller). However, "thin" is a drawn from comparison with others. For example, compared to most people I am thin, but if I hung out with anorexics or those starving children in Africa who would have loved to eat my vegetables that my mom told me about when I was little, I am quite large. Compared to the Ponderosa cheap-and-large-assed variety buffet crew, I am actually so thin that I could qualify as a hole in reality.
2) Without even knowing anything about anyone else in there, it is safe to assume that I am by far the most educated and sophisticated person in the restaurant. AND I watch Beavis and Butthead and wrestling!
3) Never had a mullet. This is a comparison with both the men and the women in there.
4) I will not complain if my steak is not done to my exact specifications when I paid $1 for it. it is not fine dining, and for $1 I will just be happy that it is meat.
5) I will never figure out why I need to leave a tip for anyone at a buffet restaurant. I get my own food and drink. Thanks for asking how I am doing and making me move my feet so you can push a carpet sweeper under my table in the middle of a conversation, though.
Also while at this cheap-assed variety establishment (at which I DO enjoy the variety and food for the price), I noticed two groups of people celebrating. One family had decided to celebrate a birthday at the Ponderosa. Cool, I actually used to do that all the time. However, the waitstaff sang the most uninspired birthday song I have ever heard, and I truly did not feel their desire for the child to have "all of his wishes come true." If this child returned in 20 years and told the staff that most, but not quite all, of his wishes came true, I don't think they would care one way or the other.....
The other celebration taught me that, when I get married and have a child, my wife can have her bridal shower at the Ponderosa. I have already told my friend Alice that she and her husband need to start working on another child, as she missed out and just had hers at her parents' home with all of her family and closest friends. Loser.
As my girlfriend and I left the restaurant, and as I began to complain about my dissatisfaction with my dining experience (including feeling nauseous every time I thought about food for about 3 hours), she told me that "The Golden Coral" is way better....why she didn't tell me this BEFORE we went to Ponderosa, well, who can say? (I certainly cannot!) Point is, apparently all cheap-assed variety buffets need to have names which make you think you are traveling in the old west.
Even if you live in a city in Ohio....
1) I am thin. I have been thin all my life (well, except for when I was a toddler and had three chins....I think I maintained that weight as I got older, but just grew taller). However, "thin" is a drawn from comparison with others. For example, compared to most people I am thin, but if I hung out with anorexics or those starving children in Africa who would have loved to eat my vegetables that my mom told me about when I was little, I am quite large. Compared to the Ponderosa cheap-and-large-assed variety buffet crew, I am actually so thin that I could qualify as a hole in reality.
2) Without even knowing anything about anyone else in there, it is safe to assume that I am by far the most educated and sophisticated person in the restaurant. AND I watch Beavis and Butthead and wrestling!
3) Never had a mullet. This is a comparison with both the men and the women in there.
4) I will not complain if my steak is not done to my exact specifications when I paid $1 for it. it is not fine dining, and for $1 I will just be happy that it is meat.
5) I will never figure out why I need to leave a tip for anyone at a buffet restaurant. I get my own food and drink. Thanks for asking how I am doing and making me move my feet so you can push a carpet sweeper under my table in the middle of a conversation, though.
Also while at this cheap-assed variety establishment (at which I DO enjoy the variety and food for the price), I noticed two groups of people celebrating. One family had decided to celebrate a birthday at the Ponderosa. Cool, I actually used to do that all the time. However, the waitstaff sang the most uninspired birthday song I have ever heard, and I truly did not feel their desire for the child to have "all of his wishes come true." If this child returned in 20 years and told the staff that most, but not quite all, of his wishes came true, I don't think they would care one way or the other.....
The other celebration taught me that, when I get married and have a child, my wife can have her bridal shower at the Ponderosa. I have already told my friend Alice that she and her husband need to start working on another child, as she missed out and just had hers at her parents' home with all of her family and closest friends. Loser.
As my girlfriend and I left the restaurant, and as I began to complain about my dissatisfaction with my dining experience (including feeling nauseous every time I thought about food for about 3 hours), she told me that "The Golden Coral" is way better....why she didn't tell me this BEFORE we went to Ponderosa, well, who can say? (I certainly cannot!) Point is, apparently all cheap-assed variety buffets need to have names which make you think you are traveling in the old west.
Even if you live in a city in Ohio....
posted by CMA @ 7:57 PM
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