The Deep Reservoir of Ok-Ness

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Brown Towels and My Car-Dirt

It rained here today. A lot. And yet, somehow, my car is still dirty.

You know those brown paper towels from grade school that never absorbed any water and just pushed it around the table until you finally gave in and just pushed the water onto the floor? The paper towels that were apparently water-proof?

Yeah, I think those are made from the dirt on my car....

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

My Girlfriend is a Pedophile

Intrigued? Read on....

I spent the Thanksgiving holiday week back home in New York, and I brought my girlfriend with me. Long drive, but we had a great time. Some of the highlights include:

-Someone at Thanksgiving dinner telling someone to put their mother into a homeless shelter (and that person not getting up and ruining Thanksgiving)

-Eating real pizza...not this Midwestern nonsense....the kind that can most accurately be described as "pipin' hot", and you have to fold to eat while grease drips onto and through the paper plate it was served on

-Showing my girlfriend around where I grew up, including my High School and a nearby city

-Taking my girlfriend out for her birthday to a nice restaurant, the first any boyfriend had ever taken her to

-Visiting with my friends Brad and Alice, eating tacos, playing fake guitars, and killing Chinese people

-Seeing my family (all 28 of whom descended upon my aunt's house, and still everything was perfect)

-Watching a compilation of old videos of my sister and I involving a movie we made (which she quit during the filming of), her gymnastics, my Uber-ADHHHHD (trust me, it needs that many H'es) dancing and behavior, a lovely poem about guinea pigs' birthday hats read by my sister in a paper bag mask, and Christmas in Massachusetts with my grandparents.

During the course of this trip, home movies and pictures were shared with my girlfriend. She described me as a child as being "really cute" and my 17 year-old longer hair, gawky frame, and lack of facial hair as being "very sexy." So yeah, apparently my girlfriend is a pedophile!

But probably only for me.....

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

I Suck With Cars and Manliness and Such

Yes, I admit it - I suck with cars and manliness and such.

Or, if I wanted to be egotistical and defensive (ME?! NEVER!) I could just say that cars and manliness and such are so complicated, that even a doctor can't figure them out. But I won't say that and, instead, I will concede my inadequacy....

Let's start with the simplest example and, hopefully, you will get bored by it and not read further to the more embarrassing one (which, now that I've named it like that, everyone will probably read ahead and skip the simple one to get to the "good stuff." Screw you.... :-p).

My "Service Engine Soon" light recently came on in my car. I am very much aware that this signifies a more assertive approach from the car manufacturers and maintenance people, as it USED to be a "Check Engine" light....now they are not suggesting that car owners examine anything (which would allow us to decide that we are okay with how things are going under the hood, thanks for your interest car manufacturers and maintenance people), but rather demanding that we get our engines worked on really soon.

For me, this is a losing situation no matter what. I know nothing about cars beyond how to make mine go forward, backwards, and how to make the music louder (I never quite make it softer, for some reason....). The mechanic could tell me anything, and I'd have to go along with it. "Well, it seems that your flux capacitator is firing intermittently....we are going to need to take your trunk out and fill it with emulating solvent, then try to put it back in after attaching your tires to the roof." "Ummm....okay, here's my credit card...take what you need."

This time around, the actual diagnosis was something to do with misfiring, requiring sparkplug replacement. Me, being a total moron about cars, authorized this service. The parts (4 sparkplugs) cost a grand total of $12. Labor was $110. On reflection, I probably could have found a way to do it myself, or at least got a friend to take a few minutes and change my spark plugs. But then, I wouldn't have learned anything, now would I? Sad part is, all I learned is that spark plugs are cheap and probably easy to change, but if they did it right (and for $110 they damn sure better have!), then I shouldn't have any reason to use what I have learned.....

HERE'S THE FUNNY-EMBARRASSING ONE: Two weeks ago, and two and a half months after I was hired, the University of Dayton held a dinner to welcome me (and about 25 other new employees) to UD. I brought Karin and we had a great dinner with enjoyable conversation....minus the mandatory soliloquy about Mother Mary and such....and left feeling quite happy and competent in the knowledge that I am an intelligent, accomplished person worthy of respect.

Then, shortly after pulling out of the parking lot, we heard thumping coming from the rear passenger side, which turned out to be a flat tire. We pulled into a bar parking lot. Now, being the self-aware person that I am, I knew that I did not know how to change the tire and did not even make the attempt. However, being the man I am, I refused to admit that I did not know how to change a tire. So, being incredibly manly, I made my poor girlfriend go into the bar and ask each person if anyone knew how to change a tire while I waited outside.

This resulted in a group of men standing around my car, telling me manly things ("The puncture is too close to the edge of the tire, so you're not going to be able to patch it up") and wishing I had a jack or lugwrench. Eventually, someone lent me their AAA membership (did I mention that I am not only intelligent, self-aware, and manly, but also too cheap to have renewed my own AAA membership?) and a man in a toe truck changed my tire as I tried to make manly car-related banter ("Yeah, the puncture is really close to the outside, so I'm not going to be able to patch it up").

Or maybe I am just challenging gender standards and norms.....

Saturday, November 04, 2006

I Tried to Study (really I did!)

As part of my $975 study package for my licensing exam, I received online programs which will help me learn by giving me quizzes and explaining the answers to me. From what I am told by a friend who recently passed the exam, these online questions are by far the most valuable part of the study materials from which she learned the most information for the real exam.

"Not a registered user." This is the message I get when I follow the instructions to create a username. Of course the name I am trying to create is "not a registered user!" That is why I am following the instructions to CREATE it!

I tried to call the company, but they are closed until Monday. I tried to have the system send me my password (based on my invoice number and e-mail address), but the system then switches to a "site not found" error screen.

So, I will call the company on Monday, but in the meantime I am unable to study and do what I had planned to study and do (I have a system, dammit!). Granted, it's not a horrible situation, as I do have a lot of written materials I have not yet looked at (I am about halfway through the study books), but it is still incredibly annoying.

ARGH!! Learning is hard!

(Posted 30 minutes later): After spending a few hours off-and-on trying to log into the system, I decided to attempt to sign up with my OLD phone number. Suffice to say, the program looks great..... :)

Technically Incompetent

I am technically, but not actually, an incompetent professional. At least, so far as the state of Ohio is concerned.

I should explain....

I am not licensed as a psychologist until I pass an exam (which I will be taking in March/April of next year). Without a license, I cannot work independently and need to be overseen by someone with a license who is legally and ethically responsible for all of my professional work (my housework and things I do in my yard don't fall under his purview). He signs off on all of my work, and if I screw up, he can get sued. Somehow, despite being legally incompetent, I could also get sued, which doesn't quite make sense to me, but whatever....

So I am incompetent until I pass this exam, which will ask me questions in some areas which don't have much to do with my work anyhow (e.g. Research, Industrial Psych, etc.). Once I do that, I am magically competent.

Oddly, this means that I cannot do certain tests because my supervisor is not familiar enough with them to oversee and sign-off on my interpretations. So, I will not be getting any additional experience with these tests while I am working with him. I am not competent to give these tests. However, once I pass the aforementioned exam which will not have anything to do with these tests, I will suddenly be competent to give them. Weird.

I know of one person who has been technically incompetent for eight years. Actually, sometimes I hear that she is not "technically" incompetent.....